Interviews

Interviews: Q*Ball

Q*Ball is a quirky techno artist from New York City whose most recent album "Fortune Favors the Bald" is already creating waves in the industry. We sat down and talked about his most un-favorite movie, The Matrix, being bald, and crazy women.

Smother: - Where did you come up with the moniker "Q*Ball", is it just an obvious reference to your bald trademark head or is there something more sinister going on?

Q*Ball: - Man, you're good. Yes, it has almost everything to do with my bald head - and using my incredible marketing savvy, I changed the "cue" to a "Q" so my CD would be easier to find in record stores, amongst only the Queen, Queen Latifah, & Queensryche albums. Smart, huh? And I put the asterisk in there because, well, asterisks are cool as hell. Not as cool as ampersands, but still damn cool.

As far as anything sinister going on, sure there is - but it has nothing to do with my name…

Smother: - You say that much of your recent album "Fortune Favors the Bald" was inspired after your break-up with your long-time girlfriend. But a song like the title track is much more of a fists-raised in the air anthem, or was it more of a way of saying, "the hell with you, I'm better than you, and darn it, people like me!"?

Q*Ball: - My ex-girlfriend indeed had a lot to do with the inspiration for a lot of songs on this album, but contrary to popular belief, she didn't have anything to do with my lack of hair - in fact, I shaved my head right after we started dating many years ago. There's no correlation there, before you ask.

FFTB is not meant to piss any ex-girlfriends or longhairs off - it's just a message to the world that us bald guys are taking over. Just stating the obvious….

Smother: - What crazy woman would break up with Q*Ball in the first place?

Q*Ball: - Her name is Rachel & she now lives in Rockland County with her dorky boyfriend. I can try to get a phone number if you wanna call & ask her yourself. But I do see the point of your question - and it's a redundant one, isn't it? Considering all women are crazy.

Smother: - What other inspirations went into the creation and recording of the album?

Q*Ball: - I knew that I couldn't in good conscience write a bunch of sappy songs & call it a Q*Ball album - so songs like "I Can't Stop!," & the title track are just straightforward balls-to-the-wall rock/dance tracks. "Brock Thurmon P.I." is my take on 1970's cop show soundtracks. "Showcase" is about my dealings with major label A&R dunderheads as a member of a rock band a few years back.

I take a tongue-in-cheek lyrical style that pretty much overwhelms my tunes, because you can't really take life too seriously. Otherwise, you're doomed. Writing about cool bald guys is much more fulfilling than writing about some girl who ripped your heart out & stomped on it a few dozen times.

Smother: - Speaking of the album, how do you like working with Bumblefoot? Is he a major perfectionist or are you just that darn good from take one?

Q*Ball: - I like it just fine. Bumblefoot was such a driving force in the making of this album - not only is he a fabulous guitar player, but his production skills - especially for a guy who's not getting paid by major labels to gloss up their half-ass girlie-with-big-booby acts - are unmatched. Every drum hit, every vocal line, is put under the microscope. Often, he'll stop what he's doing, say "Idea!" & go to town on some ridiculously cool effect or sound. He's the motherfuckin' man is what he is. I'm just the bald hack riding his coattails to superstardom.

Smother: - How did you hook up with Bumblefoot in the first place?

Q*Ball: - By good fortune (favoring the bald, as always), Bumblefoot was working at a home studio in Brooklyn where my old electronic band, Secret Army, was recording our first album way back in 1997. We've been friends ever since, and when I decided to do my own stuff years later, he gladly agreed to be part of the magic.

Smother: - Be honest - was the name of the album truly inspired from the bald kid in The Matrix who was bending spoons?

Q*Ball: - I know I'll get shit for this, but I don't get The Matrix & I don't like The Matrix. I would never get any inspiration from any movie starring that hack of an actor Keanu Reeves. Otherwise, I'd have called the album "Whoa."

Smother: - Have you ever had any formal music training or like The Matrix did you just somehow download it into your shiny noggin?

Q*Ball: - There you go with The Matrix again. Did I not just say that I didn't like that poor excuse for a movie? Man, you know how to push my buttons.

When I was 7, I took piano lessons for about 5 years, then gave it up to go play baseball in the park with my friends for a few years. I resurfaced as a subpar heavy metal drummer. After playing one too many half-empty Brooklyn clubs, I bit the bullet & bought a $2000 Korg synth when I was 17. The rest is history. Vocally, my training was singing along to every CD I bought while I was in high school.

Smother: - Pretend for a second that you had to come up with a campaign slogan for both Kerry/Edwards and the Bush/Cheney campaign. What would they be?

Q*Ball: - I've said it before & I'll say it again - music & politics don't mix. It frightens me that people will vote for John Kerry because he played guitar on stage with Jon Bon Jovi. And that we elected Bill Clinton because he played saxophone on The Arsenio Hall Show & told us he wore boxers on MTV.

Slogans? Kerry's: "Say No To Bush." Bush's: "What The Hell Is Up With Kerry's Face, Anyway?"

Smother: - While we're in the pretending zone, how would you describe your music and your sound to a deaf person?

Q*Ball: - Describing my music to a deaf person is like putting a salad in front of Shelley Winters. It's a waste of time & energy.

Smother: - What are your favorite joints to hit up in New York City for either one of your live shows or to see a show?

Q*Ball: - As far as playing out, the New York scene is dead - and has been for some time. The best joints to play are impossible to get into unless you've got a big booking agent or you're signed to a major - Mercury Lounge, Bowery Ballroom, Webster Hall, are all equally fine & snobby - though I have played Webster Hall, which was a lot of fun.

The best places to see a show in New York City are Irving Plaza for the bigger bands, Knitting Factory or anywhere in Williamsburg for the smaller bands. The problem with New York is there are just too many places that cater to live music - it waters down the talent & it waters down the crowds. And I bet the drinks are watered down, too.

Smother: - How is life in New York these days? Are you gearing up for a national or semi-regional tour any time soon to support this album?

Q*Ball: - As a native New Yorker, part of me is so ready to move into a farm in the country & make music & sweet love in the barn. But New York becomes part of who you are, especially in today's day & age. It's such a unique experience to live in this overpopulated cesspool. Not necessarily a good one, but a unique one.

My hope is to be able to tour up & down the East Coast on & off for the rest of the year. Playing out is often a bitch, but I love playing in front of people - and I find that more eager & populous audiences await in places like North Carolina & Virginia. My distro label, Digitone Records is helping to get me involved in some cool shows down there. And with any luck, you might see me in Ireland, Canada, or China before the year's out. Q*Ball can't ignore his international flava!

Smother: - If you had to make up a porn name what would it be?

Q*Ball: - When your member is as large as mine, using a pseudonym isn't necessarily. If you've got it, flaunt it, as they say. So I think I'll stick with "Q*Ball." Besides, "Lexington Steele" & "Randy Spears" are taken. Regardless, when I do venture into the porn industry (which is inevitable), I'll be banging silicon babes with a Richard Nixon mask on & a hand puppet on my penis.

Smother: - What's currently rocking your PS2/XBox/Gamecube? What movies are must-sees and what's some good music that everyone should go buy?

Q*Ball: - I don't play video games. It's all about the Commodore 64 for me, or vintage arcade games. When I get my first big royalty check, I'm gonna pick up the arcade consoles for 'Super Punch-Out' & 'Dragon's Lair'. They just don't make 'em like they used to. I'm a total movie buff - I could go on forever about must-sees, but if you're a musician, you've absolutely gotta see "This Is Spinal Tap," & "Almost Famous." And in general, go see anything directed by Wes Anderson, Alexander Payne, Martin Scorsese, Steven Spielberg, & Michael Mann.

Right now, I can't stop listening to the new Keane album. The new Beastie Boys is not bad, but as a longtime fan, I feel like they're starting to show their age a bit. I listen to a lot of different shit - my all-time faves are U2, Nine Inch Nails, Mr. Bungle, & Radiohead.

Smother: - We always ask this one question of all the people we interview to see who gives us the funniest or most interesting response--What would do/say if you met a guy named Carbomb?

Q*Ball: - I'd probably ask him if he wanted to go smoke a bowl, wait for him to get zooted, & then ask him how he got such a fascinating name. When you pose such a question, it makes me wonder if you're not zooted, yourself. Or maybe you know someone named Carbomb & you're just testing me. Either way, I hate you for asking such a random question. And I hate Carbomb, too, wherever or whoever he is.

Smother: - Anything else you'd like to say or spout off about?

Q*Ball: - Yes. Thanks for all your support for the new album & for a very interesting interview. Thought-provoking questions, so kudos to you. And why do 15 year-old girls have such big breasts these days? When I was 15, a girl with a B cup was a wet dream fantasy for, like, 6 months. Nowadays, every other teenage girl's busting out all over. Is it the hormones in the milk, wonderbras, what? And how can we put an end to it? Can you call Carbomb & tell him to fix this, please? Thank you.

Links:

Official Site